The Beef Chronicles

[Tanon]

(lol.. This is good.)

[Mullet Fish]

(haha okay, it's time for the apparently much anticipated update of the Beef Chronicles. Dun dun dun. I hope that, unlike the HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie, it won't suck.)

The cows' ruthless oppressers beat the cows into a mental submission. How this is different from their original state is beyond the author, but anyways.
The chickens were tyrannous rulers. After careful consideration on the part of the chickens, they agreed that the best action would be no action, and to wage instead a psychological war. The cows were, however, mindless so it didn't really have any effect. The chickens failed to realize this, as their tiny minds were filled to the brim with plans of world domination.

And so this world went on in such a fashion, until one very peculiar day.
The day certainly didn't appear very peculiar at first. The chickens went, as usual, to the commander. At least they called him the commander. It was the very same chicken that had led the initial charge after the fall of the gate. He was now a greying rooster, crazed by power.
The ceremonial wakers trundled up the ramp to the chicken coup, also dubbed command. They ducked their heads as they went inside, and spotted old Grey, sitting on his roost. The chickens made a peculiar sort of gesture that almost didn't resemble a salute, and gave the daily night report.
Old Grey didn't move.
They repeated it, but still, no movement.

The chickens had indeed encountered death before, but soon forgot it. They had no clue where their dead were buried, or indeed, if they had buried them.
Regardless, the death of the commander came as a huge shock to every chicken. They had seen him as a sort of immortal figure since the invasion, and his dying had seemed unthinkable.
Since the thought of his death hadn't been considered there was no second in command. There was much argument about who should take his place, but no satisfactory conclusion was reached. The chickens suddenly arrived at the absurd conclusion that their bloved commander had been assassinated by the cows, in an attempt at throwing over the chickens. They then realized that the cows must be very dangerous indeed if they could take out the leader, the head honcho, the big gahuna.
So over the next few days the cows looked onward with an unchanging expression as the entire chicken hiearchy crumbled. Arguments proceeded, ridiculous conclusions were drawn, and eventually the chickens pulled out of Cowtopia.
Within a day the cows had forgotten about the incident involving chickens completely. Little did they know that the chickens would prove the least of their problems...

(*dramatic music*)

[insanity]

OoC| Woot! Go cows!

[Mullet Fish]

Joe drove a battered old pickup truck to town once a week to sell his goods, that came from his farm. He brought the eggs from the chickens, the milk from the cows and the corn from the fields, to the market to be sold. Every week he set out at about 6 in the morning, and returned at about 6 each night, with some money stuffed in his pocket.
Joe set out at 6, as usual, for the market. After a fruitful day he headed home, this time around 4. He was driving along when a satellite crushed his car quite unexpectedly, and Joe was killed.
Jack, however, who was trying to fly the satellite back into space, was thrown into a wormhole which had appeared quite suddenly right in front of the space craft.
Jack, still wearing his space suit, emerged from the other end in a place that resembled the place from which he had come quite uncannily. So uncannily, in fact, that Jack didn't see the difference. Of course, had it occured to him to look behind himself, he would notice that the car, satellite and horribly flat corpse of Joe had vanished, leaving no trace. As it was, the thought didn't occur to him and he walked down the road, his thumb up, hoping to be picked up.
It was as he was doing this when he noticed that there were no cars anywhere. In fact, it was strangely silent, which was odd, because it was quite a convenient highway which was usually quite popular.
Farms lined each side of the highway, with the odd barn poking out of vast fields of corn. He ignored them, until he came to one very peculiar farm.
There were two yards, separated by a broken down fence. On one side some normal looking cows were grazing in a normal fashion. In the other yard, some normal looking chickens appeared to be holding a funeral.
Two chickens held what seemed to be the body of an old grey, dead rooster down an aisle between two large groups of chickens who apparently had no clue as to what was happening, but seemed sad nonetheless.
Jack stared for a moment, blinked, and continued to stare. He looked on as all three chickens dropped rather gracelessly into a wide, crude pit that had been excavated in the center of the field. Two senior-looking roosters began shoveling dirt back into the hole, despite the confused cries of the two living chickens in the hole. Soon their cries were quiet and muffled, until they stopped altogether.
Then the chickens dispersed, and everything appeared normal once more.
Jack continued to stare.

[insanity]

OoC| Hehe, poor Joe. -raises a flag- To Joe, we hardly knew Ye.

[Tanon]

To who?

[Mullet Fish]

Joe, in the story. I forget what happens, but I distinctly remember putting in a Joe somewhere.

Anyway, I have decided to continue the Beef Chronicles. I'll ship this topic over to Poetry and Other Writing and be on my merry way. Keep an eye out for the next installment.

[Tanon]

(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF! *Cough* err... I mean... Yay!)

[kilisa09]

((Oooo...I like it, it's freaken FUNNY!!! Woohoo!))

[Mullet Fish]

(Holy crap, I'd totally forgotten about this. Dang. I'll have to continue it, won't I? Hmmmmm...)

[kilisa09]

(Yes, you will. Hmmm...Maybe one of the cows should all of a sudden become...freakishly smart, yet have no common sense or something...))

[Mullet Fish]

It was as Jack was in the middle of the highway that a car finally decided to come. Very fast, and obviously not caring that there was an astronaut standing dumbstruck in its way. And so Jack was sent flying with a fractured spine and skull, only to land heavily about twenty feet away in a meadow.
Several minutes after the impact, the car screeched to a halt. "Oh my God! Get out of the-- Oh."
The driver sighed and backed up until he was even with the corpse in the meadow. He sighed. "Not again!"
Then he opened the door, opened the trunk and pulled out a shovel.
It was quite dark when the man finished burying Jack, and he headed home for supper.

[InsanexBandit]

XD. damn, you love death. Or the characters in your story do.

[Mullet Fish]

(No. I just had a better idea, and had to kill Jack.)

[kilisa09]

(Awww...Poor Jack and Joe...)